#1 Cheap Troll 2 [Blu-ray] Reviews
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Troll 2, like Halloween 3, is a sequel that has nothing in common with the original but the title. In this case, the title was apparently added to capitalize on the "success" of Troll V 1.0.
While the original Troll is a surreal, twisted, good/bad sui generis quasi-masterwork of quirk, this one, which, again, bears no relation to the first film, is one of the most monumental train wrecks ever filmed.
After a really baffling prologue involving a Peter Pan lookalike, a bowl of green goo and a girl whose freckles were dotted on with a Sharpie Marker, the story shifts to a family of four. They consist of an actor who resembles Sam Waterston; his wife, who seems a little crazy; his daughter, Holly, a garden-variety 80's-style bimbo; and his son Joshua, who has regular conversations with the ghost of his grandfather, the poor man's Wilford Brimley. Holly's apparently gay boyfriend and his ambiguously gay friends (whose first act in the movie is to admire Holly's curtains; later they sleep together, semi-naked) are also along for the ride.
The movie doesn't waste any time diving right in to the ridiculous; the family goes on some kind of nonsensical "vacation" which consists of them exchanging houses (?!) with a family of complete strangers from the remote town of "Nilbog" (that, oddly enough, ain't "Troll" spelled backwards). If that premise isn't unbelievable enough for you, don't you worry, there's plenty more insanity to come, as the family eventually learns that the town is populated by goblins (not Trolls, mind you), who first feed people neon-colored cakes and cookies that somehow turn them in to vegetable matter, and then eat them. That's if they're lucky. Others less fortunate get turned into a tree, while their b***s get turned into a milkshake. Probably the best scene in the movie, by the way.
A few choice moments:
The family arrives at their exchange house to find a table full of the aforementioned garishly-colored cakes and pastries, which they don't hesitate to sit down to eat, not thinking for a minute, "hey, this is f***** up". Thanks to the longest 30 seconds in recorded history, Josh is able to rescue his family by relieving himself on the sweets! For his troubles, his ungrateful father chides him with the best line in the movie: "You can't p*** on hospitality!"
One of Holly's BF's buds sees a frightened girl running in the woods. He does what any normal guy would do, he tackles her at a full run. He then takes her to a Satanic-looking church, where Creedence (yes, that's her name), played by a woman who seems to have just strayed in from a porn film or maybe the fringes of performance art, changes the girl into mush to be eaten, and the guy into a tree, also to be eaten. We know this, because the guy helpfully tells us: "They're eating her! And then they're going to eat me! OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDD!"
Joshua's Grandpa tells Joshua, during one of their meetings, "Your mother has never taken my advice. That's why she married that good-for-nothing." (You know, your g*dd*mn father.) Later on, he pops up to helpfully hand Josh a Molotov Cocktail! Apparently Gramps served a few years in the SDS!
Holly finally delivers the ultimatum to her boyfriend for him to decide between her or his friends. She expresses this by clocking him with a stunning right cross to the jaw! This is after the scene in which she knees him in the crotch. Interesting relationship they've got going there!
Not at all surprisingly, this one ends with one of those eye-rolling, predictable, "shock" endings that were de riguer in the 80's/90's, and one loaded with glaring continuity errors! Might as well go out with a bang!
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